The Future

As hazily anticipated, this trip is prompting some contemplation about my future life.  Previous long term holidays have resulted in decisions to complete my degree, and to return home to marry P, who by his absence revealed himself to be Mr Right. 

At present my thoughts hinge around a possible return to the workforce.  This was initially prompted by my financial fears as this trip is costing *way* more than I ever thought it would, and the only solution I could see was to return to Perth and get cracking earning some money.  I raised this with P in the context of perhaps I should enrol to finish my MBA and look for some type of professional employment.  To my surprise P was quite positive about this, as his own ponderings had led him to think that *he* might like a change, and some house husbandry is very appealing.

Since then, I’ve returned to thinking that maybe I should take a wild chance and instead study to be a yoga teacher.   This woud be a far more scary option, as I don’t know if I could do it, plus it doesn’t come with the same financial security as the first option.  Importantly, this also  narrows P’s choices as he would then be required to have a steady income which was supplemented by me, rather than the other way around.  And he has already diligently supported the family for six years.

In some ways it’s like a choice between two completely different lifestyles.   To return to professional employment eases my financial fears, and also probably my ’educational fears’, in that it is much more likely that my kids will go to school (so I outsource the responsibility) as that would be the 9 – 5 type lifestyle that the family would have – as I don’t know how confident P would be to continue to be the parent responsible for home ed, as the kids got older.

The second choice means I am out of my comfort zone, doing something I haven’t done before and  committing to a way of life that doesn’t offer me the same financial security or educational “options”.  In particular, if I had a job that required me to work early mornings and/or evenings, I would be really unlikely to send my kids to school -  as then I’d never see them!

Of course the other option is P’s preferred choice which is to go bush somewhere, and thereby release ourselves from the need to pay for shelter in the (expensive)  Perth metro area.  Sigh – we already tried to downsize once and that turned out to be a disaster.

P has no family in Perth (not that he seems to consider them a factor anyway) and feels confident that he can make friends in a new place.  I wish I had that confidence.  I know I can meet new people - but will they be soul mates??  I feel like a weirdo already… if I didn’t have some people around to make me realise that I’m not completely alone I would find life a lot harder….  and after almost 40 years, I’ve realised that soul mates are not easily found.  You have to really cherish the ones you’ve got.

I’ve also been playing a mindgame with myself, whereby I “give” P the next five years and he sets the agenda and makes all the decisions for the family (testing my attachment to control, and opening myself to participating in an adventure not of my own making – as per previous post).  You have no idea the anxiety this exercise produces in me!  When I mentioned this to P, he thought this was funny – I’d either be pissed off that “nothing was happening” or pissed off that something *was* happening  – that I didn’t want.    Arrgghh – why do I have a life partner that can shoot so accurately?

In the meantime we muddle along.  That reference to “40 years” does give me a sense of urgency though.  T was worried the other day that he didn’t know what he was going to be when he grows up.  I advised that I didn’t either – but at least he has time on his side.

Comments (1) »

Kids Food (and other stuff)

My kids don’t eat enough veges.  Of more accurately – they hardly eat any.  This is my most on-going area of parental anxiety (well, equal to my fear that the joys and freedoms of homeschooling will at some point be outweighed by my kids lack of academic achievement).   Even knowing I am riddling them with food issues doesn’t stop me from constantly fretting about it in front of them.  T ate everything until he was 2.5, and then gradually retreated into a bland carbohydrate diet.  J is somewhat better, but his need to “have what T is having” doesn’t help.

My dad used to tell the story of how in his family he had to eat everything on his plate.  One night he sat there, not eating his (disgusting) veges.  When everyone else left the table , he got up and (secretly, he thought) threw his food out into the yard.  His mum scraped it back onto his plate, and he had to eat it, dirt and all.

I remember my childhood meals of meat and three veg.  I literally gagged at the prospect of eating boiled peas and I pushed them around the plate trying to make the pile look smaller.

Given that P and I (now) eat a lot of veges, and they are always available, I just hope that eventually the kids will gravitate to a healthful diet.  T “knows” what a healthful diet is, and will often say he would like veges for dinner (to watch my face glow with happiness) but when they are served, his face crumples in despair.  “If only they tasted nice mum!”   He happily eats avocadoes, carrots, the peas shelled from fresh snow peas, and will nibble on a leaf.  Sigh.

Recent reading on kids’ health threw up the finding that parents are poor judges of how healthy their kids are, as they confuse happiness and healthiness.  So even though we might *know* our kids’ diet is inadequate, or they have too little exercise or too much screen time, we *think* we are getting away with it:  “Look, they’re healthy!” when in actual fact they’re ‘just’ happy.

Another snippet from the same book.  In the UK, school canteens are shifting to ‘healthy’ menus (thank you Jamie).  At one school, an entrepreneurial 13yo opened a rival canteen, selling the stuff that the school canteen used to sell.  He was doing very well, and his customers included the teaching staff, when the school closed him down as he was ‘undermining their healthy eating message’.   He was pissed off – he wasn’t doing anything illegal.

I like this story as I can’t decide what I think.  Obviously I am committed to the “healthy eating message”, but I *really* feel for this kid!  The injustice!  I take it they didn’t close down the local Maccas as it was ‘undermining the healthy eating message’.  The most amazing learning experience he probably ever had on those premises, and just shut down.  What’s he learnt now? – the little guy can’t win.

Sorry to bore those of you who have heard my experience of being arbitrarily “shut down” by school authorities because my activities didn’t suit them, but I can *still* seethe with the injustice of it!  In primary school, when I was in Year 6, the school decided that girls were not allowed on the school oval to play during lunch and recess (yes, the 1980’s – not quite the dark ages).  A friend and I started “Girls Lib”, a movement to allow girls back on to the oval.  Our initiatives included large posters advertising all the games girls used to enjoy on the oval, and a petition.  When you signed the petition, you receive an handmade badge – “Girls Lib!”  Unfortunately, the boys took this as some sort of gender war, and started ripping them off girls’ shirts – meaning my friend and I were in full scale production of the badges, to replace those lost to the neanderthal boys.

The librarian asked us to move the petition out of the library, so we relocated to near the canteen.  Then after a week or so, my classroom teacher advised that the principal had advised him that we had to stop Girls Lib, because it was too disruptive.  No boy was advised that they should stop grabbing at girls tops and ripping off their badge.  We still weren’t allowed on the oval.  CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT????????  Not a single teacher –  or parent – including my own – was prepared to step up and support our cause.  Just shut down for causing a disturbance.   That was the high & low point of my career as an activist.  A  just cause, and no one in authority cared about anything, except the quiet life.   Maybe it was at this point that I decided that school was a series of lessons in compliance and control.  He’s probably dead now, but the principal’s name was Mr Colvin, and unfortunately I have never bumped into him as an adult to give him the serve that ALL THE OTHER ADULTS SHOULD HAVE AT THE TIME.  GGGRRRRRRR.

Leave a comment »

Ruminations – post school outcomes

A newspaper reported that the OECD Report on Intergenerational Social Mobility found Australia’s education system was the third worst in the developed world for contributing to social mobility.  This fed into my biases about the ineffectiveness of school.  School’s on-going reputation as  *the* mechanism for social justice, creating “equal opportunity”, is baffling, when all around we see it doing such a brilliant job of perpetuating the status quo.  Surprise surprise, doctor’s kids have a good chance of becoming doctors, and Centrelink kids don’t.

The problem here is the flawed belief that an institution can function as a change agent.  It can’t.  The only change agent out there is another person- and in some cases an heroic teacher can be that person.  But here, the institution of school works against any developing mentor relationships, as at the end of the year, you get another teacher.  And on the side of the coin, this structure itself can preclude teachers making major investments in their relationships with the children in their class, as they know that the end of the relationship is already proscribed. 

Anyway, I pulled up the report and have to confess that I struggled with it because it’s full of economic jargon and tables that are too small to read on my PC.  But I got enough to realise that the journo at the Oz had got it wrong, and that Australia’s system is comparatively good at facilitating social mobility – comparatively, not in absolutes –  because the UK, USA and southern Europe have virtually no social mobility (even though everyone goes to school).

This research supports *early* intervention/care/education as the best way to overcome social disadvantage.  So this is not news.  Everything you read says that if you want to make a difference in kid’s lives you have to get in there early (80 – 90% of the brain synapse connections are made from age 0 – 3)  Policy makers just can’t seem to come up with wholistic ways to do this.  They continue to direct their efforts at school – starting at kindy when the kids turns 4!  If you believed they had the nous to be that organised, you’d think it was a deliberate plot *not* to make a difference in the lives of disadvantaged children.

Further, it confirms my view that school is designed for and by the middle classes/elites.  It serves their children well – it’s obviously designed as a neat continuum from a middle class infancy, and if you didn’t get that, well, you struggle.  And I note that the good economists at the OECD recommend investment in early intervention for disadvantaged groups rather than re-designing school to work for non-elites.   I mean, we wouldn’t want to change what is working is working perfectly well for us, would we?  Worse, we don’t seem to have the imagination to know that it could even *be* different.

 The report finds that in many cases, it is the average socio-economic standing of the school’s parent group, rather than the socio-economic standing of the individual child’s parents, that is the key to a child’s own socio-economic outcomes after school.   This one’s pretty interesting, and I guess is behind the push for aboriginal kids to go to flash boarding schools….. but obviously this is only ever going to be the solution for a minority of disadvantaged kids, as it’s a numbers game.  If a whole bunch of disadvantaged kids rock up to Geelong Grammar, then they are bringing down the average.   I gather that this is also the argument for a school voucher system…  if you can’t afford to buy a house in a rich area and thereby get your kids into the local state school where the other rich neighbourhood kids go, you should be able to buy your way into these schools with your vouchers. 

Anyway, I guess that makes it clear what you are actually buying when you spend money on a private school…. and the more money you spend the more you are putting your child into an environment where chances are all the parents are filthy rich, and somehow – by osmosis – but the best I can think of (and I couldn’t find analysis in the report as to *why* this finding holds) is that if most of the parents are uni-educated and rich, then this is the value system that the child is being exposed to and so they work hard to fit in with that peer group.  Is it that the dominant value system of the school community is a key driver of individual outcomes?

This makes sense, and is supported by all the research that says that in our society teenagers are more influenced by their peers than their parents – and the main reason for this is that they spend far more time with the former than the latter.  That is actually the community within which they have to function, rather than the community of parents/adults.

And is the reason for the high academic results (though I haven’t seen any research on subsequent adult socio-economic outcomes) achieved by some of the charter schools in the US working with disadvantaged groups?  That the seeming inexhaustible energy and enthusiasm of the (young) individual principals/teachers involved is able to oust the general malaise?

On a related topic, I see that in her quest to have more students from low socio-economic backgrounds get to university, Julia Gillard is starting to try to break the link between school results (TER & similar) and university entrance.  (An acknowledgement that the school system can’t  deliver equitable outcomes?)  In Victoria they are are trialling new ways of offering university places – focusing on aptitude tests and interviews and portfolios of work. ( All good news for people who don’t bother to go to school by the way)  I see that the President of the Australian Secondary School Association (of something like that) is all in favour of this, as he feels that the focus on university entrance severely limits the “meanings” of post-compulsory education.  Unfortunately the only other “meaning” he mentioned in the interview was vocational training.

Well, this is all half-baked I’m afraid.  I’ve had it sitting in draft thinking I’ll have time to clear my thinking, but I have just seen that Noel Pearson has pipped me to the post in the latest Quarterly Essay - on “Education and Equality in Australia”. (!!)  The title?  “Radical Hope”.  Anyway, I’m off to find a decent newsagent & I’m hoping to be inspired!

Comments (1) »

Dispatches from Paronella Park

Port Douglas,CookTown&Dunk Isle' 130Spaniard emigrates to Australia in the 1930s, where he makes a fortune buying and selling cane farms.   He then realises his dream by building a castle near a waterfall.  Subsequently mother nature has ravaged it somewhat, with floods, cyclones and fires.  It must be the only “castle ruin” in Australia.  Billed as a “not to be missed” attraction, with promotional material suggesting that it is almost a religious shrine, it struck me as somewhat odd.  I think mainly it seemed a clash of aesthetics.  A mediterranean design in a tropical setting. 

Port Douglas,CookTown&Dunk Isle' 137

Leave a comment »

Dispatches from Mission Beach

Port Douglas,CookTown&Dunk Isle' 182

Dunk Island

Three nights here in yet another Queensland paradise.  I was able to talk P into a day trip to Dunk Island, where his worst fears were realised.  Vacuous beach-dwellers!  Water Sports! 

Port Douglas,CookTown&Dunk Isle' 183

love that blue

Port Douglas,CookTown&Dunk Isle' 167

Queensland Main Roads - variations on a theme

Leave a comment »

Dispatches from Cooktown

Port Douglas,CookTown&Dunk Isle' 073

Grassy Hill

For some reason I hadn’t realised until now *why* Cooktown was called Cooktown.  I mean, if I’d contemplated the issue, I probably could have figured it out.  Cook……Town.  How funny.   I’m glad I don’t have an eponymous town.

It’s spectacular around here.  We went to the top of Grassy Hill where Lieutenant Cook went to have a look around.  Apparantly he was a bit concerned by the navigational conditions.  It must have been a bit like Apollo 13 – no Houston, but unlimited oxygen and coconuts.    The drive to get home seems to be very strong, as evidenced by these pioneers.  It’s interesting – so much effort to go so far away, but *really* wanting to get home….. even at the risk of shortening your life.

However, we obviously weren’t inspired enough by this derring-do, as we decided *not* to go to Cape York.  Initially I was very hopeful that we would do this, but I think we just didn’t have the energy levels required to get the kids up and down an extra 2000km of dirt.  I’ve pencilled it in for P and the boys in about 10 years time.  One  of those “coming of age” masculine rituals, where the boys can do a lot of driving even though they don’t have licenses. (I have loads of ideas as to how P can replicate male initiation ceremonies for our boys in this bereft culture.  Do you think this is a problem?  I don’t have any daughters to plan a menarche ceremony for, so my enthusiasm manifests inappropriately.)  I’m trying to avoid the binge-drinking, drugs and disrespect of women which seem to be the current ways in which boys try to tell the world that they’re “all grown up”.  

“Good luck”, I hear you say.

PS.  This was also the site of another of my excellent attempts to impart Australian history.  “Captain Cook is remembered for discovering Australia.  But of course, he didn’t discover it.  Aboriginal people had been here for around 60 000 years, and other seafarers had also visited before he got here….. (desperate look to P – who obliges “Captain Cook claimed Australia for England”.. which gets a blank look from T and segues into a conversation between P & I as to the strange mores of the time that allowed him to consider doing this, and the sad truth that maybe not much has changed…..) so T is able to summarise “Captain Cook didn’t discover Australia.”  I’m glad we’ve got that covered.

Port Douglas,CookTown&Dunk Isle' 083

Musical Boat

Leave a comment »

Dispatches from Cape Tribulation

Port Douglas,CookTown&Dunk Isle' 033So named by Lieutenant Cook, as this was where his troubles started.  But really it’s “Paradise Found”.

Two nights camped tucked into the rainforest with the perfect beach 25m away.  Boys collecting coconuts and building sandcastles.

I couldn’t quite figure out why we were leaving, but it’s like a compulsion – onward ever onward.

Port Douglas,CookTown&Dunk Isle' 057

J on gate duty

Leave a comment »

Teeth-whitening and tanning package: $269

So said the sign outside a “spa” in Port Douglas.  And that gives you a good idea of the type of place it is.  Very beautiful, but teflon.

This got me thinking (again) about the ways in which the culture tries to clone us all into one definition of beauty (tanned, with white teeth!)  Surely something not confined to our own time and place, but now that all the photos are photo-shopped, and you can literally cut and paste and colour your own body, it seems  more extreme.  Plastic surgery actually exists in my own social world (baffling but true.) I particularly remember a child who had her ears “pinned back” as soon as it was legal – aged 7.    It was ‘to save her from being teased at school’.   I wonder what other lessons and values she draws from that experience?  Looks are important.  It’s important to be like everyone else.  Don’t stand out.  You can’t cope with being teased. 

Does she feel sorry for the other kids with sticky-out ears who haven’t  had their ears “done” yet?  Will she ever feel that her body and choices were violated?

Am I just sensitive to this because I have sticky-out ears?

But as it happens I am here to confess that “teeth” is one area where I have been thoroughly socialised into believing that they have to look a certain way.  Blessed with a higgley-piggley mouth of teeth, I had braces when I was 13, and I never questioned the necessity of this, and even now can feel happy that they were “fixed”.   Due to the (painful) rapid movement of my teeth into their “correct” positions, I now have a dead tooth in the front of my mouth that is getting more and more yellow as I get older.  (A dental plot?)

I hope you’re getting a good visual of me, witch-like, with sticky-out ears and yellowing teeth.  It’s amazing I can function in this world at all.

Anyway, I have been advised that the only way to “fix” my yellow tooth, is to have a crown.  Which will involve vast expense, and the removal of a perfectly functioning tooth.  So far I have baulked.  All my principles are at stake:  How can I spend money in this way when other people don’t have *any* teeth and can’t afford them?  The money should be given to a dental clinic somewhere.  If I do this, I will be buying into the whole beauty myth.  The more happy yellow-toothed women out there, the better, as we demonstrate that white teeth are not pre-requisites for a fulfilled life.

BUT (and this is a big but) I *really* don’t like my yellow tooth.  And no intellectual reasoning seems to be able to overcome my flinch of disgust/concern when I see photos of my smiling yellow tooth.  I can intellectually realise that “it doesn’t matter”, but my socialisation doesn’t seem to allow me to emotionally realise the same.  Of course, other people probably have yellow teeth too - I just don’t notice them.

Comments (5) »

This Camping Life

Benefits of living in a tent:

1.   No housework

2.  Everything has to go back into it’s place every time you move. 

3.  When you do the grocery shopping, you put everything away into the kitchen in the car in the carpark, and when you get home, there’s no putting away.

4.  You can’t buy or keep any extraneous stuff

5.  There’s no TV

6.  Everyone goes to bed when the sun goes down, and gets up when the sun comes up

7.  Your menstrual cycle aligns with the moon

8.  You rediscover novels (normally I can’t concentrate on them – I’m too busy with my ‘important’ reading.  I knew novels were often better than non-fiction at probing the human condition – I’d just forgotten)

9.  You rediscover music (though unfortunately not everyone wants to listen to blasting 80’s rock as I relive the road trips of my youth)

10.  You live outside engaged with nature

11.  You live outside and engage with other people

Benefits of living in a house:

1.  You have clean feet and you can put them into clean shoes

2.  You can choose privacy when you want it

3.  You can have a garden

4.  You can have an afternoon nap even if it’s boiling hot

5.  You can keep the books you love and have them on a shelf

Can these two worlds be combined?  I suspect not.

Comments (1) »

Dispatches from Cairns

Millaa Millaa Falls

Millaa Millaa Falls

An overnight in Georgetown and then heading into Cairns.  As I started to read about all the great places in this area, I started to have one of my panic attacks: “there’s too much!  – we can’t see all this! – how do we choose what to do!?”  and had to calm myself down with my mantra: “You can’t do everything.”

This is funny for two reasons.  One, in actual fact we have pretty much taken our home lifestyle along on this trip.  We spend a fair bit of time in cafes flipping through books and magazines, and a lot of time sourcing places to sit/swim by water…. interspersed with excursions.  In Perth we have “Friday Family Funday” where we ”go on an adventure”  -  picnics, the zoo, gokarting, etc – so we just have a few more of those types of days.

The second reason is, that I discovered that all of these beautiful Queensland islands  – which I had only known about in the context of package holidays that I could never afford – are actually accessible on day trips, and better - you can camp on them!  The good people at Queensland Parks and Wildlife Service have set aside national park camping grounds on the islands!  Though our camping set up may be difficult to relocate out of the car and into a backpack….

Anyway, my first island destination was Green Island, and I showed P the gorgeous picture and read out the fabulous description of our life on that island for the day.  To which P responded: “that’s not my bag.”  I’ve realised too late that I’ve married into that minority group, People Against Tropical Islands (PATI). 

P claims membership of a larger group, People Against Tourists on Tropical Islands (PATTI).    Fair enough…. but as it happens, we *are* tourists!!  How to overcome this misfortune??

For those interested in logistics, we had two nights camped at Millaa Millaa in the Tablelands- our eyes are being suddently soothed by all this green – and we then went into Cairns proper, and were buffeted by the busyness, so headed back into the mountains – and are now camped at Kuranda.

Steam train journey from Ravenshoe to Tumoulin

Steam train journey from Ravenshoe to Tumoulin

Leave a comment »