The kids got way too much stuff – enough to make me feel that this was “wrong”. But I’m not sure what can be done to change it, as the vast majority wasn’t from us…… and I was mindful of a conversation with a friend about a relative trying to stop her from giving Christmas gifts to their kids….. that trying to stop other people from having a “gift-giving” relationship with your kids is perhaps not generous on your side….. that gift giving is about the giver not the receiver.
But in the meantime I wonder what message my kids are taking away from such a frenzy. My mum (bless her) realised what was going on and held back a number of things she’d bought…… and also the night before I decided not to give the books I’d bought – as they were great books and I didn’t want their impact to get lost in the chaos of the day.
Do you think it would be wrong to ask people to just give *one* thing? This is the stupidity of people having money, and loads of cheap Chinese goods. For example I think one kindly-intentioned relative gave the kids at least 10 items each (admittedly some were small – eg, pencils).
Over the past several days it’s been my job to make sense of this mountain of “stuff”….. and find a home for it amongst the rest. The upshot was on 27 December I freecycled a box of kids toys/games/puzzles. I didn’t think anyone would want them at this time of year. But the recipient then contacted me to say thanks, her kids were really enjoying them. It made me wonder….. next year I’m going to freecycle stuff *before* Christmas day.
But of course too much is never enough. We had to go to the shops yesterday and J had $20 of Christmas money burning a hole in his pocket and “wanted to buy a toy”. My distress at this announcement contorted my face. It required considerable self-talk to allow me to take him to the shops with any semblance of equanimity.
The other thing that happened of course was that so much of this stuff came in packaging. We have filled our recycling bin with crushed cardboard boxes. We have houseguests arriving today, and I am so ashamed of all the packaging, I’m trying to hide it under other recycled goods, and not tell them that in fact the bin truck came on Boxing Day, and this is just 3 days worth of “recycling”. Gee, our environmental credentials are so solid.
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Fe said,
December 29, 2011 @ 4:10 am
We have a ‘one gift per person’ rule… which gets ignored in one direction…. All the stuff they gave was _great_, it was just that there was so much of it (you know, a birdies garden bed _and_ a cricket set _and_ a couple of ‘science’ kits _and_ toy cars—for one child… a basketball hoop _and_ toy car parking garage _and_ small bits for another). We will be re-iterating the rule again, in the lead up to christmas (actually, to birthdays), because it’s just insane, trying to find room for it all!
janelouise said,
December 29, 2011 @ 5:57 am
Yes, I’m going to try to introduce this. Maybe if we start with birthdays that will be a gentle lead-in to the concept for next Christmas day. Good idea. Wish me luck.
What else can we offer people who are seemingly so desperate to give to our kids…..? I wonder what it is about. For some of my relatives I think it is just the fun of buying an enormous water pistol (for example) and they don’t have anyone else to buy it for.
I’ve blogged before that “gift-giving” is not my language of love, so therefore I don’t get it….. but I’m remain somewhat unconvinced…….. are people desperately trying to say I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU to my kids…… ? Perhaps they could be helped to find other ways to express it?
You know what I would LOVE someone to give to my kids? A homemade voucher(s) along the lines of “I’ll take you to the zoo” or the beach, or sailing, or a movie, or a……… but I guess that’s really a present for me!
Dipi said,
December 29, 2011 @ 3:11 pm
I LOVE this post Jane. I hear you will each paragraph and I tried SO HARD this year to tone it down. I am pleased with what we managed, but still………..there is a way to go.
We need a facebook following of ’1 gift per kid’ or some such. Something everyone who is your ‘friend’ can see and ‘like’.
In response to your comment to your post, it is just easier for people to shell out money and see a kid’s momentary excited face as they open the gift, and then at various times in the future, imagine the fun the kids is having with the gift, as opposed to having to actually make the effort to spend TIME with a kid. I am guilty of the same, although we’ve tried to put that across as an idea we’d prefer people to do than gifts.
You’ve resurrected the idea of trying to get this more in ‘writing’ for birthdays and Christmas 2012. Ummmmmmmmm getting distracted. Tonight I am supposed to be doing budget. I just can’t. I have finally realised that a budget is not how I think. I hate having money allocated and then think I may then feel I have to spend what is allocated. I prefer trying to spend less (a little challenge in every department) and then save what ever I can from anywhere else towards what ever our aim is (actually it’s always been a mortgage, but something may be exciting in the future. Currently it is a 15 seater BUS!!!!).
Sorry, I’ve gone on a bit……….need a mum’s coffee.
Kylie said,
January 9, 2012 @ 4:50 am
Hi Jane,
I couldn’t agree more with nearly everything you have said! Too much is well…its too much! Its too much to find places to store it all, its too much for the kids to even remember who got them what, its too much to actually enjoy each gift as its opened, its too much appreciate that someone selected a particular gift for a particular individual, and its too much for me to be able to give my kids all the things that I want to get for them – which makes me cranky! (is this related to a need to assert myself as the most important and most loved by giving the most presents?). I generally do a clean out before christmas to relive some of my anxieties about the impending influx of ‘stuff’.
I can understand that asking others not to buy gifts for your kids at all might make some people feel offended or that they aren’t getting to ‘participate’ in that child’s christmas if gift-giving is for them the essence of christmas – but surely its not unreasonable to ask that it be limited to one gift per child? As always its easier to be confident abou this in writing than it is to say it to someone in person. And of course it WOULD be offensive to announce the rule for next year immediately after someone has given your kids a lot of presents and then the certainty and confidence about the whole issues has sort of worn off by next November……….
I have taken to most years somewhat guiltily ‘storing’ some particularly objectionable gifts in far off, inaccessible cupboards (and eventually the op shop!). The kids usually don’t even notice (although I suspect the older they get the more they will notice)but more tellingly, the adults who purchased it don’t even notice or ever ask me or the kids about it. Why do they do it? For us, the relatives who do bestow the most gifts DO actually bother to spend quality time the kids so its not a replacement for that. I do think its partly as you said the fun of buying something ridiculous that you can only justify getting for a kid but I also think its partly that people feel its ‘just what you do’ at Christmas.
I have wondered though if I would feel the same about the mountain of presents given to my kids if they were things that appeal to me instead of being mostly ‘cheap chinese goods’ as you so kindly put it (I was thinking of a less flattering description). But that’s really about the nature of kids ‘stuff’ in general and is another topic entirely.
What I don’t get the most is that most people will say they don’t like christmas shopping, that they find it hard to select presents for people, they will agree that kids ‘get too much’ and that too much emphasis is placed on this one day – BUT IT STILL GOES ON AND ON! Why is the pressure to do what we have always done greater than the will to make christmas easy and enjoyable in a meaningful way?
A one present per child facebook-group-thingy is a great idea and would be enough to make me actually for the first time put something on facebook.
Hope you are enjoying your houseguests!
janelouise said,
January 9, 2012 @ 7:33 am
“BUT IT STILL GOES ON AND ON!”. I know – if people won’t make changes that *they* advocate……. what hope?!?